I had my 7 week post-op, sub-talar ankle fusion appointment today. I have had a couple of good days of playing my favorite game of "What If", and had all kinds of scenarios going through my head. What if I had a failed fusion? What if the incision didn't heal correctly? What if I had little blisters all over my heels and sides of my foot? What if my foot fell off when they took the cast off? Yeah, I know, that last one was kinda dumb, but when you aren't sleeping well, the imagination can be a scary thing.
The doctor seemed extremely pleased with my progress so far, and liked what he saw on my x-rays. At this point I was beginning to relax and scold myself for playing too much "What If". The he says he's going to put me in a boot (YAY, big ugly boot), but he wasn't quite ready to let me walk on it just yet. WTF? Talk about being deflated, though the full impact of that didn't truly hit me until a few hours later.
I'll head back down to see him again on July 11th for more x-rays, and then take it from there.
My thoughts on this are kind of scattered right now. What if (yes, I know...) my fusion is going to fail? He never mentioned anything of the sort, but I do know from my vast experience with my ankle that putting some pressure on it will help solidify the fusion. Then the love of my life (who is truly the most rational person I know and doesn't feed into my hysteria) mentioned that he just thinks the guy is being ultra conservative in his care. That actually makes the most sense (see, I told you he was rational). My surgeon is a pretty straight laced guy, and has been pretty laid back and conservative in all his treatment since I've started seeing him, so this is more than likely the main reason.
So, I have 19 more days of the crutches, the knee walker, being taxied to and from work, laying around and not being able to help myself do much.
The good in all of this though, is that I do have the boot, which gives me some feeling of freedom. I am finally able to let my foot air out which is a very wonderful feeling. Once the dead skin and bohemian look is gone (tomorrow - I don't think I can stand myself for much longer with this hair, I mean, I can practically braid it and bead it like they do in the Caribbean) I will post some more pictures. They gave me a disk with all my x-rays on it too, which is so cool, and I can show ya'll where I got screwed!!!!
19 days isn't that long is it?
Showing posts with label knee walker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label knee walker. Show all posts
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Solitary Confinement
I've spent the last three days in what I have called solitary confinement to the couch. While I am not alone in the true sense - I have the wonderful love of my life with me and my little dog too - I am making myself stay on the couch with this blasted foot jacked up on a stack of pillows, again. I started back to work on June 1st with a run of three half days. I figured that would be enough to gear me up for a week of full days. Was I ever wrong! I made it to Thursday, never being able to complete a full day, and had to call in sick to work on Friday. It was truly another low point for me in this recovery. I have only called in to work sick one other time, and I wasn't able to open my eyes due to a headache caused by chemicals in the workplace.
I can't really keep my foot elevated the way it needs to be at work. I tried balancing it on my tower for a few days, but knocked that over on my good big toe and decided that was a bit too dangerous both for myself and office IT equipment. So, we tried a box with two pillows on it. This helped some, but I still can't find a comfortable position. The only time that I am truly comfortable is when I have my foot jacked up on my desk. This is a very uncomfortable position to actually try to work in, and it's not very professional. I limit this to a few minutes every couple of hours, mostly when I know most people are out of the office and not walking around.
So, I promised myself if I stayed home I would keep my foot elevated the majority of the time, and so far I have kept my promise. Not that there is much else for me to do. I can't go shopping (not that I would, because I really dislike shopping) or to the beach or out to dinner or really anything else.
I'm going nutty as well. I've had a few crying jags over the last couple of weeks. These seem to strike out of the blue, last from a few minutes to a half hour. I know that this is normal, but hate to break down in front of co-workers. At home is one thing, alone is best, but at work is just not cool at all. Then yesterday I had the total opposite. I laughed uncontrollably; side splitting, hard to breathe, tears streaming down my face, bladder bursting laughing. I tried to share what I was laughing about with the love of my life, and he just did not find it even chuckle worthy, so I laughed harder.
Between the laughing and the crying - today I am feeling more on the weepy side, I have come to the conclusion that solitary confinement is not for me. Tomorrow is Monday, and I am heading back to work. I think I am feeling strong enough after this little break to work the full days. I think that I was both physically and emotionally unprepared and not ready for full day work when I thought that I was. This is not the first time I have underestimated healing since this journey started back on May 5th.
The best part about tomorrow is that I can finally say that I am getting out of The Pink Monstrosity next week! This is enough to make a girl practically giddy, though I am keeping the emotions in check and not letting them show too much. I may very well be going back into another fiberglass prison. I'm really, really hoping for the big, black, ugly boot though. Really!
Tomorrow starts the official countdown to June 23rd!
I can't really keep my foot elevated the way it needs to be at work. I tried balancing it on my tower for a few days, but knocked that over on my good big toe and decided that was a bit too dangerous both for myself and office IT equipment. So, we tried a box with two pillows on it. This helped some, but I still can't find a comfortable position. The only time that I am truly comfortable is when I have my foot jacked up on my desk. This is a very uncomfortable position to actually try to work in, and it's not very professional. I limit this to a few minutes every couple of hours, mostly when I know most people are out of the office and not walking around.
So, I promised myself if I stayed home I would keep my foot elevated the majority of the time, and so far I have kept my promise. Not that there is much else for me to do. I can't go shopping (not that I would, because I really dislike shopping) or to the beach or out to dinner or really anything else.
I'm going nutty as well. I've had a few crying jags over the last couple of weeks. These seem to strike out of the blue, last from a few minutes to a half hour. I know that this is normal, but hate to break down in front of co-workers. At home is one thing, alone is best, but at work is just not cool at all. Then yesterday I had the total opposite. I laughed uncontrollably; side splitting, hard to breathe, tears streaming down my face, bladder bursting laughing. I tried to share what I was laughing about with the love of my life, and he just did not find it even chuckle worthy, so I laughed harder.
Between the laughing and the crying - today I am feeling more on the weepy side, I have come to the conclusion that solitary confinement is not for me. Tomorrow is Monday, and I am heading back to work. I think I am feeling strong enough after this little break to work the full days. I think that I was both physically and emotionally unprepared and not ready for full day work when I thought that I was. This is not the first time I have underestimated healing since this journey started back on May 5th.
The best part about tomorrow is that I can finally say that I am getting out of The Pink Monstrosity next week! This is enough to make a girl practically giddy, though I am keeping the emotions in check and not letting them show too much. I may very well be going back into another fiberglass prison. I'm really, really hoping for the big, black, ugly boot though. Really!
Tomorrow starts the official countdown to June 23rd!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A Working Convalescence
Tomorrow I am heading back to work after being off since May 4th. Seems like a lifetime ago at times, then other times just like yesterday. I've had a successful surgery, an uneventful beginning to my recovery, and am getting my strength back a little every day. Going back to work is going to be difficult at times, but it will definitely be good for me emotionally. Have I changed any? Have they changed any? Will they look at me funny? Will they even care or will they just look at me with pity?
I'm going to work half-days this week, then reassess and see how I feel on Monday. If I'm feeling good, then I'll go back full-time. If I start to feel bad, I will leave early. I am very grateful that I don't have to do any walking for my job and that my desk and office will be my refuge. I know that it will not be easy, but not everything is. It's going to take a lot of time to get ready in the morning, and hobbling around with crutches and a knee walker isn't a walk (ha!) in the park. I will have to constantly remind myself that I have to go slow and not try to be a show off at work as to how tough I am. Who am I kidding? When it's come to this surgery, I am far from tough and even through a relatively easy recovery I get scared and nervous and apprehensive over little things. I just have to remember that when surrounded by my colleagues. I'm human too. Let a little of the shell break.
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