I took small steps today.
I made the bed without my crutches.
I walked Murphy out to pee on his favorite tree with just one crutch. That was kinda scary, and won't be trying that again.
I worked in the kitchen and was able to move around without any crutches. Same thing with the laundry!
It did not kill me, it did not make me cry, and it didn't really hurt all that much either.
It was scary as hell, but I did it, and I am proud of me!
Showing posts with label crutches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crutches. Show all posts
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Put One Foot In Front of the Other
I was given the clearance to start the walking process on Monday - holy hell is it ever a process. I guess after not putting any pressure onto an appendage for over 10 weeks that it would take a little while to get used to the walking thing again.
I do okay with the crutches and a little weight - not enough to really hurt, but enough to know that I'm putting some pressure down on something that is completely different than it was a couple of months ago. I keep reminding myself that it's not going to happen overnight and continue being patient.
I am so anxious to ditch the crutches, because there are so many things I want to do. I want to dig out my sewing machine, I want to photograph my flowers and the beautiful tortoises that hang out in the front yard every day, and I want to walk my wee little furry friend Murphy. It's been so long since we walked together - longer than I can remember.
I want to stop looking like a dummy at the thrift shops with hangers hanging on my crutches. I want to get back to making my bed every day and helping the love of my life with house chores and dinner. I want to drive again and I want to stop my daily fight with the restroom door at work.
Slow and steady, push myself, but know my limitations, right?
I think I'll sing some Chubby Checker this week when I practice!
I do okay with the crutches and a little weight - not enough to really hurt, but enough to know that I'm putting some pressure down on something that is completely different than it was a couple of months ago. I keep reminding myself that it's not going to happen overnight and continue being patient.
I am so anxious to ditch the crutches, because there are so many things I want to do. I want to dig out my sewing machine, I want to photograph my flowers and the beautiful tortoises that hang out in the front yard every day, and I want to walk my wee little furry friend Murphy. It's been so long since we walked together - longer than I can remember.
I want to stop looking like a dummy at the thrift shops with hangers hanging on my crutches. I want to get back to making my bed every day and helping the love of my life with house chores and dinner. I want to drive again and I want to stop my daily fight with the restroom door at work.
Slow and steady, push myself, but know my limitations, right?
I think I'll sing some Chubby Checker this week when I practice!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Bitter
I'm bitter, and I feel bad about it.
I am tired of well-meaning friends calling and asking me what I am up to. You really want to know? Well, today, I got out of bed, went to the couch, opened my laptop, and have been watching the Casey Anthony trial streaming on the Internet, pretty much non-stop. I have not moved from the couch. I can't tidy up the house, I can't run down to the beach, I can't help the love of my life while he's out sweating do death working in the yard. You may recall that I am recovering from major ankle surgery. It's been 2 months since I have walked, and frankly, I am becoming bitter. I am tired of the rest of the world being able to go on with their lives and not have to worry about swelling and pain and crutches and handicapped parking places and stupid people who disregard someone who is hobbling around on crutches. I am bitter because I am tired of being like this.
I feel bad because I am snapping at those closest to me when I know they mean well. I feel bad because I know they aren't rubbing in their good times to me, they are my friends, and they are sharing life with me, as I've shared life with them. I don't have anything to share with them though, and when I do share, I feel like I am seeking pity about my situation.
Currently, my life is a lot of waiting. I'm waiting for bone to fuse, bone to heal, calcification to take place. I have to sit quietly, stay safe, and do nothing to jeopardize the work that has been done. Waiting has become bitterness. Of course this will pass, I will be back to my old self soon, but for now, I want to be bitter and angry.
I am tired of well-meaning friends calling and asking me what I am up to. You really want to know? Well, today, I got out of bed, went to the couch, opened my laptop, and have been watching the Casey Anthony trial streaming on the Internet, pretty much non-stop. I have not moved from the couch. I can't tidy up the house, I can't run down to the beach, I can't help the love of my life while he's out sweating do death working in the yard. You may recall that I am recovering from major ankle surgery. It's been 2 months since I have walked, and frankly, I am becoming bitter. I am tired of the rest of the world being able to go on with their lives and not have to worry about swelling and pain and crutches and handicapped parking places and stupid people who disregard someone who is hobbling around on crutches. I am bitter because I am tired of being like this.
I feel bad because I am snapping at those closest to me when I know they mean well. I feel bad because I know they aren't rubbing in their good times to me, they are my friends, and they are sharing life with me, as I've shared life with them. I don't have anything to share with them though, and when I do share, I feel like I am seeking pity about my situation.
Currently, my life is a lot of waiting. I'm waiting for bone to fuse, bone to heal, calcification to take place. I have to sit quietly, stay safe, and do nothing to jeopardize the work that has been done. Waiting has become bitterness. Of course this will pass, I will be back to my old self soon, but for now, I want to be bitter and angry.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
19 More Days
I had my 7 week post-op, sub-talar ankle fusion appointment today. I have had a couple of good days of playing my favorite game of "What If", and had all kinds of scenarios going through my head. What if I had a failed fusion? What if the incision didn't heal correctly? What if I had little blisters all over my heels and sides of my foot? What if my foot fell off when they took the cast off? Yeah, I know, that last one was kinda dumb, but when you aren't sleeping well, the imagination can be a scary thing.
The doctor seemed extremely pleased with my progress so far, and liked what he saw on my x-rays. At this point I was beginning to relax and scold myself for playing too much "What If". The he says he's going to put me in a boot (YAY, big ugly boot), but he wasn't quite ready to let me walk on it just yet. WTF? Talk about being deflated, though the full impact of that didn't truly hit me until a few hours later.
I'll head back down to see him again on July 11th for more x-rays, and then take it from there.
My thoughts on this are kind of scattered right now. What if (yes, I know...) my fusion is going to fail? He never mentioned anything of the sort, but I do know from my vast experience with my ankle that putting some pressure on it will help solidify the fusion. Then the love of my life (who is truly the most rational person I know and doesn't feed into my hysteria) mentioned that he just thinks the guy is being ultra conservative in his care. That actually makes the most sense (see, I told you he was rational). My surgeon is a pretty straight laced guy, and has been pretty laid back and conservative in all his treatment since I've started seeing him, so this is more than likely the main reason.
So, I have 19 more days of the crutches, the knee walker, being taxied to and from work, laying around and not being able to help myself do much.
The good in all of this though, is that I do have the boot, which gives me some feeling of freedom. I am finally able to let my foot air out which is a very wonderful feeling. Once the dead skin and bohemian look is gone (tomorrow - I don't think I can stand myself for much longer with this hair, I mean, I can practically braid it and bead it like they do in the Caribbean) I will post some more pictures. They gave me a disk with all my x-rays on it too, which is so cool, and I can show ya'll where I got screwed!!!!
19 days isn't that long is it?
The doctor seemed extremely pleased with my progress so far, and liked what he saw on my x-rays. At this point I was beginning to relax and scold myself for playing too much "What If". The he says he's going to put me in a boot (YAY, big ugly boot), but he wasn't quite ready to let me walk on it just yet. WTF? Talk about being deflated, though the full impact of that didn't truly hit me until a few hours later.
I'll head back down to see him again on July 11th for more x-rays, and then take it from there.
My thoughts on this are kind of scattered right now. What if (yes, I know...) my fusion is going to fail? He never mentioned anything of the sort, but I do know from my vast experience with my ankle that putting some pressure on it will help solidify the fusion. Then the love of my life (who is truly the most rational person I know and doesn't feed into my hysteria) mentioned that he just thinks the guy is being ultra conservative in his care. That actually makes the most sense (see, I told you he was rational). My surgeon is a pretty straight laced guy, and has been pretty laid back and conservative in all his treatment since I've started seeing him, so this is more than likely the main reason.
So, I have 19 more days of the crutches, the knee walker, being taxied to and from work, laying around and not being able to help myself do much.
The good in all of this though, is that I do have the boot, which gives me some feeling of freedom. I am finally able to let my foot air out which is a very wonderful feeling. Once the dead skin and bohemian look is gone (tomorrow - I don't think I can stand myself for much longer with this hair, I mean, I can practically braid it and bead it like they do in the Caribbean) I will post some more pictures. They gave me a disk with all my x-rays on it too, which is so cool, and I can show ya'll where I got screwed!!!!
19 days isn't that long is it?
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Solitary Confinement
I've spent the last three days in what I have called solitary confinement to the couch. While I am not alone in the true sense - I have the wonderful love of my life with me and my little dog too - I am making myself stay on the couch with this blasted foot jacked up on a stack of pillows, again. I started back to work on June 1st with a run of three half days. I figured that would be enough to gear me up for a week of full days. Was I ever wrong! I made it to Thursday, never being able to complete a full day, and had to call in sick to work on Friday. It was truly another low point for me in this recovery. I have only called in to work sick one other time, and I wasn't able to open my eyes due to a headache caused by chemicals in the workplace.
I can't really keep my foot elevated the way it needs to be at work. I tried balancing it on my tower for a few days, but knocked that over on my good big toe and decided that was a bit too dangerous both for myself and office IT equipment. So, we tried a box with two pillows on it. This helped some, but I still can't find a comfortable position. The only time that I am truly comfortable is when I have my foot jacked up on my desk. This is a very uncomfortable position to actually try to work in, and it's not very professional. I limit this to a few minutes every couple of hours, mostly when I know most people are out of the office and not walking around.
So, I promised myself if I stayed home I would keep my foot elevated the majority of the time, and so far I have kept my promise. Not that there is much else for me to do. I can't go shopping (not that I would, because I really dislike shopping) or to the beach or out to dinner or really anything else.
I'm going nutty as well. I've had a few crying jags over the last couple of weeks. These seem to strike out of the blue, last from a few minutes to a half hour. I know that this is normal, but hate to break down in front of co-workers. At home is one thing, alone is best, but at work is just not cool at all. Then yesterday I had the total opposite. I laughed uncontrollably; side splitting, hard to breathe, tears streaming down my face, bladder bursting laughing. I tried to share what I was laughing about with the love of my life, and he just did not find it even chuckle worthy, so I laughed harder.
Between the laughing and the crying - today I am feeling more on the weepy side, I have come to the conclusion that solitary confinement is not for me. Tomorrow is Monday, and I am heading back to work. I think I am feeling strong enough after this little break to work the full days. I think that I was both physically and emotionally unprepared and not ready for full day work when I thought that I was. This is not the first time I have underestimated healing since this journey started back on May 5th.
The best part about tomorrow is that I can finally say that I am getting out of The Pink Monstrosity next week! This is enough to make a girl practically giddy, though I am keeping the emotions in check and not letting them show too much. I may very well be going back into another fiberglass prison. I'm really, really hoping for the big, black, ugly boot though. Really!
Tomorrow starts the official countdown to June 23rd!
I can't really keep my foot elevated the way it needs to be at work. I tried balancing it on my tower for a few days, but knocked that over on my good big toe and decided that was a bit too dangerous both for myself and office IT equipment. So, we tried a box with two pillows on it. This helped some, but I still can't find a comfortable position. The only time that I am truly comfortable is when I have my foot jacked up on my desk. This is a very uncomfortable position to actually try to work in, and it's not very professional. I limit this to a few minutes every couple of hours, mostly when I know most people are out of the office and not walking around.
So, I promised myself if I stayed home I would keep my foot elevated the majority of the time, and so far I have kept my promise. Not that there is much else for me to do. I can't go shopping (not that I would, because I really dislike shopping) or to the beach or out to dinner or really anything else.
I'm going nutty as well. I've had a few crying jags over the last couple of weeks. These seem to strike out of the blue, last from a few minutes to a half hour. I know that this is normal, but hate to break down in front of co-workers. At home is one thing, alone is best, but at work is just not cool at all. Then yesterday I had the total opposite. I laughed uncontrollably; side splitting, hard to breathe, tears streaming down my face, bladder bursting laughing. I tried to share what I was laughing about with the love of my life, and he just did not find it even chuckle worthy, so I laughed harder.
Between the laughing and the crying - today I am feeling more on the weepy side, I have come to the conclusion that solitary confinement is not for me. Tomorrow is Monday, and I am heading back to work. I think I am feeling strong enough after this little break to work the full days. I think that I was both physically and emotionally unprepared and not ready for full day work when I thought that I was. This is not the first time I have underestimated healing since this journey started back on May 5th.
The best part about tomorrow is that I can finally say that I am getting out of The Pink Monstrosity next week! This is enough to make a girl practically giddy, though I am keeping the emotions in check and not letting them show too much. I may very well be going back into another fiberglass prison. I'm really, really hoping for the big, black, ugly boot though. Really!
Tomorrow starts the official countdown to June 23rd!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A Working Convalescence
Tomorrow I am heading back to work after being off since May 4th. Seems like a lifetime ago at times, then other times just like yesterday. I've had a successful surgery, an uneventful beginning to my recovery, and am getting my strength back a little every day. Going back to work is going to be difficult at times, but it will definitely be good for me emotionally. Have I changed any? Have they changed any? Will they look at me funny? Will they even care or will they just look at me with pity?
I'm going to work half-days this week, then reassess and see how I feel on Monday. If I'm feeling good, then I'll go back full-time. If I start to feel bad, I will leave early. I am very grateful that I don't have to do any walking for my job and that my desk and office will be my refuge. I know that it will not be easy, but not everything is. It's going to take a lot of time to get ready in the morning, and hobbling around with crutches and a knee walker isn't a walk (ha!) in the park. I will have to constantly remind myself that I have to go slow and not try to be a show off at work as to how tough I am. Who am I kidding? When it's come to this surgery, I am far from tough and even through a relatively easy recovery I get scared and nervous and apprehensive over little things. I just have to remember that when surrounded by my colleagues. I'm human too. Let a little of the shell break.
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