I'm going to work half-days this week, then reassess and see how I feel on Monday. If I'm feeling good, then I'll go back full-time. If I start to feel bad, I will leave early. I am very grateful that I don't have to do any walking for my job and that my desk and office will be my refuge. I know that it will not be easy, but not everything is. It's going to take a lot of time to get ready in the morning, and hobbling around with crutches and a knee walker isn't a walk (ha!) in the park. I will have to constantly remind myself that I have to go slow and not try to be a show off at work as to how tough I am. Who am I kidding? When it's come to this surgery, I am far from tough and even through a relatively easy recovery I get scared and nervous and apprehensive over little things. I just have to remember that when surrounded by my colleagues. I'm human too. Let a little of the shell break.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A Working Convalescence
Tomorrow I am heading back to work after being off since May 4th. Seems like a lifetime ago at times, then other times just like yesterday. I've had a successful surgery, an uneventful beginning to my recovery, and am getting my strength back a little every day. Going back to work is going to be difficult at times, but it will definitely be good for me emotionally. Have I changed any? Have they changed any? Will they look at me funny? Will they even care or will they just look at me with pity?
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The Ultimate Sacrifice
Remember, this weekend is not about the pool being too cold, the traffic being too congested, the burgers being burned or the beer not cold enough.
It's about giving thanks for those who have served for us. It's about taking a moment out of the game of horseshoes, turn down the Jimmy Buffett, and remember.
I am proud that I had the opportunity to serve my country. I am proud to know so many people who still are serving my country, who have sacrificed so much, and that so many more will continue to do so. Go ahead, dust off those flags, put on the red, white, and blue, and remember that because of so many you have the freedom to do so.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Crashing My Own Pity Party
First of all, I will admit that I am a huge fan of pity parties. I think they are necessary and can be very therapeutic. I have two rules for my own personal pity party though. First and most important, pity parties cannot last more than one day. Any longer than a day is more likely a trip down the proverbial rabbit hole and stronger measures must be taken. Second rule is that I don't invite people to my pity party. These things really are better left to just one person. Bringing someone into the mix can lead to broken friendships, more sleepless nights, and if done on a frequent basis relationship issues.
I am fine admitting to those around me that I am having the pity party. Most people will steer clear and leave me to my darkness. Some people try to be cute and cheer me up, which sometimes will help, but more often than not is just not what I am wanting. I want to bask in self loathing and misery and sadness and, well, pity. I want to do it and get it over with.
Today was the perfect day for a pity party, but thanks to the love of my life, I was actually able to crash that party. Today mark three weeks since my ankle surgery for me. I've not been able to do much of anything, but lie on the couch, lie in the bed, sit in the chair, crutch or knee walk to the bathroom. Each activity is tiresome, can oftentimes be cumbersome, and takes enormous effort. Said love of my life had a paperback in hand, asked me if I needed anything, and was headed out for a couple of hours in the pool. I just shook my head no and proceeded to settle in for the duration of the pity party.
Then he asked me if I was enjoying my pity party, to which I answered, "of course!" He then asked me if I wanted to join him outside. It's too hot, my cast will feel miserable, and I retorted (okay, whined) my litany of reasons to stay inside and sulk. My nifty little Xerosox won't be in for a few days, so I'd just tough it out in the nice air conditioned house.
My beloved gave me an alternative and questioned my "toughness", which was basically a challenge to live up to his offer to help me through my dark day. So, I bucked up, went with his creativity, and had total trust in him and was able to spend a glorious hour in the pool.
Sure it would have been easier to stay inside and wallow away, but how often does one get to crash their own party?
I am fine admitting to those around me that I am having the pity party. Most people will steer clear and leave me to my darkness. Some people try to be cute and cheer me up, which sometimes will help, but more often than not is just not what I am wanting. I want to bask in self loathing and misery and sadness and, well, pity. I want to do it and get it over with.
Today was the perfect day for a pity party, but thanks to the love of my life, I was actually able to crash that party. Today mark three weeks since my ankle surgery for me. I've not been able to do much of anything, but lie on the couch, lie in the bed, sit in the chair, crutch or knee walk to the bathroom. Each activity is tiresome, can oftentimes be cumbersome, and takes enormous effort. Said love of my life had a paperback in hand, asked me if I needed anything, and was headed out for a couple of hours in the pool. I just shook my head no and proceeded to settle in for the duration of the pity party.
Then he asked me if I was enjoying my pity party, to which I answered, "of course!" He then asked me if I wanted to join him outside. It's too hot, my cast will feel miserable, and I retorted (okay, whined) my litany of reasons to stay inside and sulk. My nifty little Xerosox won't be in for a few days, so I'd just tough it out in the nice air conditioned house.
My beloved gave me an alternative and questioned my "toughness", which was basically a challenge to live up to his offer to help me through my dark day. So, I bucked up, went with his creativity, and had total trust in him and was able to spend a glorious hour in the pool.
Sure it would have been easier to stay inside and wallow away, but how often does one get to crash their own party?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Cabin Fever
Today was the first day, almost 3 weeks into this journey, that I have felt really confined. I am tired, I am cranky, and I am on the verge of a pity party. I know that I can contribute a lot of it to not sleeping well. I'm uncomfortable and in discomfort that borderlines on pain. Finding comfortable position while wearing this pink monstrosity is a joke. There isn't one.
Then you add that there isn't much a girl in my position can do since walking is out of the question for at least 3 more weeks. I've been reading, watching some Netflix, reading, and that's really about it. I go from the bed to the couch and back. I can't sit outside because, well, it's summertime in Florida and who knew fiberglass was such a conductor of heat.
I did order a Xerosox this evening. It's a latex "sock" of sorts that has an airtight seal that will enable me to get into the pool. I think being able to enjoy the sport of lying on a raft for a few hours a day will cheer me up some. At least the Vitamin D will do some good. I'll do a full review and link once I get the product and try it out.
I am heading back to work a week from today, and that will help my disposition a lot as well. It will be nice to get out of the house. It's going to be a pain in the rear hobbling around, but I have a couple of really awesome co-workers who have agreed to be my personal servants as long as I need them to.
As I've mentioned before, I've been through the ankle surgeries before, but I don't recall feeling this way. This time it seems different and harder. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is.
This too shall pass. I will give myself one day of a pity part and move on!
Then you add that there isn't much a girl in my position can do since walking is out of the question for at least 3 more weeks. I've been reading, watching some Netflix, reading, and that's really about it. I go from the bed to the couch and back. I can't sit outside because, well, it's summertime in Florida and who knew fiberglass was such a conductor of heat.
I did order a Xerosox this evening. It's a latex "sock" of sorts that has an airtight seal that will enable me to get into the pool. I think being able to enjoy the sport of lying on a raft for a few hours a day will cheer me up some. At least the Vitamin D will do some good. I'll do a full review and link once I get the product and try it out.
I am heading back to work a week from today, and that will help my disposition a lot as well. It will be nice to get out of the house. It's going to be a pain in the rear hobbling around, but I have a couple of really awesome co-workers who have agreed to be my personal servants as long as I need them to.
As I've mentioned before, I've been through the ankle surgeries before, but I don't recall feeling this way. This time it seems different and harder. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is.
This too shall pass. I will give myself one day of a pity part and move on!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Capture the Flag - Curse of A Lifetime
I have the worst ankle of any person I know. I have had 5 ankle surgeries, and have spent countless hours of my life dealing with the pain and issues associated with ankle arthritis.
It all started back at Fort Drum Day Camp when I was probably about 10 or 11 years old. We were playing a game of capture the flag and my foot found a nice hole and over it went. Now, I was never a graceful child despite my mother's trying for me to be. I took ballet, I tried out for Little League (that's an entire other post and a bottle of wine), played some sports, but I always ended up getting hurt, most specifically my ankle.
My first surgery was at the age of 15. I was able to lead a fairly normal life after that, with some high school sports (but always getting hurt), time in the Navy (again, ankle rears it's ugly head), and a fairly long career at nursing, all of which combined together made for a pretty crappy ankle.
I have had two ankle fusions in the last 6 years. An ankle fusion is where two bones of a joint are pinned (screwed) together to keep any motion from happening. The first fusion was the big ankle joint - the one that makes your foot go up and down. The second fusion was the joint just below the big joint, in normal people, it's the joint that allows your ankle side-to-side movement.
So, now I am in total lock down mode of my ankle.
My most recent surgery was about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Having this surgery has made me realize a few things. I'm not as young as I used to be, I'm not as strong as I think I am, and I have to come up with a really good story soon to explain the massive scarring on my foot - ankle surgery is just too boring, and my mangled paw deserves to have some fun with this.
Who would have thought an innocent child's game of Capture the Flag would change the course of my life?
It all started back at Fort Drum Day Camp when I was probably about 10 or 11 years old. We were playing a game of capture the flag and my foot found a nice hole and over it went. Now, I was never a graceful child despite my mother's trying for me to be. I took ballet, I tried out for Little League (that's an entire other post and a bottle of wine), played some sports, but I always ended up getting hurt, most specifically my ankle.
My first surgery was at the age of 15. I was able to lead a fairly normal life after that, with some high school sports (but always getting hurt), time in the Navy (again, ankle rears it's ugly head), and a fairly long career at nursing, all of which combined together made for a pretty crappy ankle.
I have had two ankle fusions in the last 6 years. An ankle fusion is where two bones of a joint are pinned (screwed) together to keep any motion from happening. The first fusion was the big ankle joint - the one that makes your foot go up and down. The second fusion was the joint just below the big joint, in normal people, it's the joint that allows your ankle side-to-side movement.
So, now I am in total lock down mode of my ankle.
My most recent surgery was about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Having this surgery has made me realize a few things. I'm not as young as I used to be, I'm not as strong as I think I am, and I have to come up with a really good story soon to explain the massive scarring on my foot - ankle surgery is just too boring, and my mangled paw deserves to have some fun with this.
Who would have thought an innocent child's game of Capture the Flag would change the course of my life?
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Two Months
Two months.
Seems like a relatively short period of time, but so much can happen and did in the two months since I have updated.
The two most important things of great interest were a trip to the beach and major ankle surgery - in that order.
We spent Easter weekend on relatively quiet little beach just south of Venice. We never really spent much time sitting in the sun or relaxing in the water though. We were hunting the non-elusive shark tooth again! You could barely take a step without seeing the shiny black triangle just sitting on the sand! It was relaxing we came away with a nice addition to our growing collection.
I think we both have come to love that little part of Florida as well. It's a nice sea side community without the big commercial flair that so many places have. It's quaint and quiet, but had an abundance of activities to occupy everyone, from art to sailing to shopping to music to golfing - it's all there.
Ankle surgery. Unfortunately, for me, it's a common phrase in our household. I won't say how many exactly I have had, but let's just say I can still keep it to one hand. I'm two weeks into my recovery and feeling better each day. I am still extremely tired, but the pain had gotten so much better! Tomorrow I get out of this blasted heavy splint and into a more manageable fiberglass cast. I'm almost giddy over it!
Seems like a relatively short period of time, but so much can happen and did in the two months since I have updated.
The two most important things of great interest were a trip to the beach and major ankle surgery - in that order.
We spent Easter weekend on relatively quiet little beach just south of Venice. We never really spent much time sitting in the sun or relaxing in the water though. We were hunting the non-elusive shark tooth again! You could barely take a step without seeing the shiny black triangle just sitting on the sand! It was relaxing we came away with a nice addition to our growing collection.
I think we both have come to love that little part of Florida as well. It's a nice sea side community without the big commercial flair that so many places have. It's quaint and quiet, but had an abundance of activities to occupy everyone, from art to sailing to shopping to music to golfing - it's all there.
Ankle surgery. Unfortunately, for me, it's a common phrase in our household. I won't say how many exactly I have had, but let's just say I can still keep it to one hand. I'm two weeks into my recovery and feeling better each day. I am still extremely tired, but the pain had gotten so much better! Tomorrow I get out of this blasted heavy splint and into a more manageable fiberglass cast. I'm almost giddy over it!
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